When Your Brain is Stuck in Grief Mode
The neuroscience of moving forward again
✉️ A letter from me about the neuroscience of moving forward again
Hey friend,
Last week was the twelfth anniversary of the day we lost our son Mitch. I know there’s at least one more set of bereaved parents who read this letter whose son died in August too. So, if you’ve been through something devastating, I see you.
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In my book, Hope Is the First Dose, I gave you a plan for what to do when life brings you great pain. During my research for that book, I learned a lot about what happens in our brains when we’re experiencing grief. In Hope, I wrote about a group of people I call “Crashers,” the folks who hit The Massive Thing (TMT) and it just wipes them out on the hope/happiness/faith/quality-of-life scale.
Here’s how I described Crashers in my book:
Today, I want to tell you what science and faith say about the complex grief and other types of pain that can create Crashers, and how you can avoid becoming one, help a Crasher you love, or climb out of the Crasher's hole if trauma, tragedy, or TMT has caused you to be there.
🧠 Neuroscience Nugget:
Prolonged grief isn’t “just in your head” in the dismissive sense, it’s in your brain in the literal sense. Functional MRI studies show that in people with complicated grief, the anterior cingulate cortex and nucleus accumbens (areas that regulate emotional pain and reward) remain highly active when they think about their loss.
The brain’s default mode network can get locked into a rumination loop, replaying loss memories instead of allowing the salience and executive networks to shift focus toward the present and future. (We discussed these networks in this letter if you need a refresher)
But here’s the hopeful part: neuroplasticity means this loop isn’t permanent. By intentionally shifting attention, engaging in healthy routines, and practicing gratitude and faith-based reframing, you can slowly rewire these pathways. Your brain will follow your mind’s lead.
✝️ Faith Fact:
Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
God’s closeness isn’t just spiritual, it changes our mental state. Philippians 4:6-8 gives a neuroscientifically sound prescription: stop anxious rumination, pray with gratitude, and focus your thoughts on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and praiseworthy. This isn’t denial, it’s directing your attention toward what helps your mind and brain heal.
🧠 News for Your Neurons
A 2017 study in Nature Human Behaviour found that people practicing deliberate positive reminiscence, recalling meaningful, uplifting moments unrelated to their loss, showed measurable decreases in amygdala overactivity and improvements in emotional regulation over eight weeks.
This supports the idea that attention training can help shift a grief-locked brain toward healing.
🤓 Nerd Zone: Click here to read the paper.
🔁 The Science–Faith Smash
Science says: You can rewire your grief brain through intentional attention shifts, gratitude, and positive routines.
Faith says: You can reframe your story because God promises His presence, hope, and redemption, even from the ashes (Isaiah 61:3).
Together: Hope isn’t naïve, it’s the neurobiological and spiritual fuel for recovery.
💊 This Week’s Prescription
Name the loop: “My brain keeps replaying loss because it’s wired that way right now.”
Redirect with purpose: Choose one hopeful, future-oriented thought to focus on daily.
Engage the body: Move, breathe, and nourish your body to support brain chemistry.
Gratitude journal: Write three specific things you’re thankful for each night.
Pray Scripture: Use Philippians 4:6-8 as your mental filter when anxiety or sadness rises.
📢 A final word from me
If you’re a Crasher right now, I want you to hear this: your brain is not broken beyond repair. The pain is real, but so is the possibility of joy again. This is not the end of your story.
You are still here for a reason. You still have the power, God-given and brain-driven, to choose one small step toward healing today.
You don’t have to see the whole path; you only have to take the next faithful step. Over time, those steps will lay down new neural pathways, new habits, and new hope.
The good news is, you can start today. 🧠✝️
✉️ Hit reply and share one thing you’re choosing to focus on today to start healing. Lisa and I read every response!
Dum spiro spero (While I breathe, I hope),
Lee
Psalm 71:14 ("As for me, I will always have hope.")
From the banks of the North Platte river on Moon River Ranch in Nebraska, USA
Be sure to check out the archive of previous posts if you missed last week’s letter.
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