Why People Don't Change Enough
✉️ A letter from me about the change that actually helps
[🧠 Paid subscribers: be sure to scroll to the bottom of this post for your weekly deep dive.]
Hey friend,
Have you ever noticed how we expect other people or circumstances to change before we can be happy?
“If my boss were kinder…”
“If my spouse understood me…”
“If this season were easier…”
But even when those things do change, peace doesn’t last. Because peace that depends on externals can’t endure.
The truth is, no one can change enough to make us happy. Not them, not even us if we’re changing for the wrong reasons.
‼️ Important Note:
When I say “no one can change enough to make you happy,” I’m not saying other people don’t need to change.
If someone is abusive, manipulative, addicted, or endangering you or your family, you absolutely should set boundaries, seek help, and expect accountability. Safety isn’t optional, it’s sacred. If you or your children are unsafe, take action, call the authorities, or get to safety.
What I am saying is that even when others do change, or when they don’t, your deepest peace and strength can’t depend on their behavior. Peace begins where your responsibility starts: in your own mind and heart. ‼️
Real transformation always happens from the inside out. As Anne Lamott said, “Peace of mind is an inside job.” Neuroscience agrees: we can’t think or wish our way into peace by rearranging the outside world. We have to train our minds to generate peace from within.
That’s the work of Self-Brain Surgery™, learning to stop waiting for life to get easier and instead rewiring our minds for peace, purpose, and strength, no matter what’s happening around us.
✍️ For Free Subscribers: Something You Can Do Today
When you feel frustrated at someone or something, pause and ask:
“What part of this is within my control?”
Write it down. Then take one small action, mental or physical, inside that circle. It could be as simple as shifting your thoughts, breathing deeply, or choosing to respond instead of react.
Every time you do this, you rewire your brain to favor agency over helplessness. That’s how you move from wishing for change to creating it.
I’ve got so much more for you when my new book comes out in about four months! You’ll be a master self-brain surgeon in no time.
But the good news is, you can start today.
Hit reply and let us know how self-brain surgery is helping you make the changes you need to make.
Be sure to check out the archive of previous posts if you missed last week’s letter.
Dum spiro spero (While I breathe, I hope),
Lee
II Timothy 1:7, “For you were not given a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.”
From the banks of the North Platte river on Moon River Ranch in Nebraska, USA
Disclaimer: This letter is for informational purposes only. It contains general information, drawn from my experience, research, and best practices. It is not health care advice, and is not intended to replace the counsel of your health care provider. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine.
I cannot give you advice or answer questions about your medical or mental health care, recommend providers or treatments to you, or comment on your specific situation.
A member of our team will respond to general inquiries or point you to resources as possible. Personal messages are forwarded to me, but no response is guaranteed.
This message does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship between us.
